Thursday, June 29, 2006

Thomas Bo-bamis.

Have a mentioned lately how much I love my little man? I spend a lot of time bitching about being depressed, but the truth is that when I look at him...and I mean really look...all the other things just melt away. When he smiles at me, it lights up my soul. I have never experienced love, like the love of a new parent. I am terrified that if he stays this cute, I'll never be able to say no to anything. *laughing* Please enjoy the photos, as I'm not really in the mood to write.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Kitty on my car, and I wanna touch it.

Hm, yeah. So my hubby's cat really enjoys lounging on my car, which bugs me to no end. When I pull out, my poor Element looks to be shedding. And then there's the crawling IN my car. If you leave the window down just a crack, she is rolling all over my seats. I can fully understand how she gets in, but it's the getting "out" that has me stumped.

On to lunch. The following pic is just a bowl of yummy watermelon. I felt froggy, and ate almost the entire bowl. As you can imagine, a little later I was feeling a lot less froggy, and the melon was a lot less yummy. Heh. I also had a tomato and cheese toasted bagel sandwich with basalmic vinegarette with herbs as a condiment. Tres yummy!

So my basement flooded this weekend. Normally, not a big deal, right? Well, maybe if I didn't have a litter box in my basement. The box flooded, and there was 4 inches of cat stuff floating when I opened the basement door this morning. *sigh* Why me? Not only that, but on my way to turn on the sump pump, my shoe flooded. Bleck.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

My baby boy is napping, and I sit before the screen, tap-tap-tapping my way into feeling better. Trying to belong in a world of new mommies and stay-at-home boredom. I hate this life. Though it is all for my child, I wonder if going to work would make me a better parent? Would I long to see his hazel eyes smiling at me, and not shudder every time he started to cry?

I talked to women who stayed home with their children, and they speak of a "purpose" so much stronger than filling a 9 to 5 day at the office. At first, I felt that way too. In actuality, I think I forced myself to enjoy it. I ignored the signs of boredom, and labeled the afternoon naps as exhaustion. Maybe I'm not exhausted. Maybe my brain just needs more stimulation that a three month old baby can provide. I miss getting up in the morning with a purpose, doing my hair and applying makeup. I feel stranded within this life of sweatpants, with my sole morning decision being whether to wear a bra or not.

Now please do not judge me, because I LOVE being a mother. There is nothing better than hearing my little boy laugh, watching him try to sit up on his own, and coo when I rub his cheek. I even love changing dirty diapers, and washing the clothes full of spit up. I have never had a more important job than that of being someone's mommy.

That being said, having the financial capability to give him the finer things in life would make me feel good. I'm not talking about spoiling him, but not having to wonder if we can afford the Baby Einstein dvd's or not. The realization has set in that my family may just be happier with a second income, and that long overdue construction project may actually get put into motion.

2nd story, here we come!

Monday, June 19, 2006

Gr. Argh.

You know what I hate? I hate when Americans get upset when they hear someone speaking Spanish. Just because they are in a public place and are speaking another language does NOT mean they are illegal immigrants. It also does NOT mean they are going to take your job in the workforce because of status quo. Oh, and here's the WORST. It DOES NOT MEAN they are talking about YOU!

Here is how I will prove it. Have you ever visited another country? Lets say France for instance. You and your family board a plane and go to another country where English is not the first language. Now, did you (as an American) learn to speak French fluently BEFORE entering said foreign country? When you were out in public, visiting the Eiffel tower, did you mutter things like, "Ah, tres magnifique!" (This is the part where you say no.)

See, we as Americans are very spoiled. And we're also extremely rude. We expect people to learn our language (which btw is one of the hardest languages in the world to learn) before entering our country, no matter what the reason. We expect so much, yet the majority of Americans do not return the favor. When visiting a foreign nation, we scowl when things are written in another language on packages, frown at the numerical system, and curse (out loud) when the monetary system is hard to understand.

I defend the right for people in this country to speak a different language. That being said, I don't think a business owner should have to post signs in another language other than English on their doors. If you want to work in this country, you should at least be able to communicate with your employer. That is nothing more than common sense.

When I see a person on the street, and they are speaking in a language other than English, it does not offend me. I do not get tense and automatically assume they are talking about me. If I were to visit another country and was speaking to my husband in English, I would hope that the people around me felt the same. When I receive an instruction manual, and it's printed in English and Spanish, it doesn't offend me. Why would it? Why should I CARE if the manual I'm holding in my hands can help more people than myself? That is a good thing, isn't it?

I have rambled a bit here, but all I'm trying to get across is this...This should not be a matter of racism, it's simply a matter of common sense. America, I'm begging you. Get a grip, get the red off your neck and open your mind.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Holy hormones batman!

So I had a baby approximately three months ago, and ever since I've felt a little "off." I'm a bit light-headed on a regular basis, and am in constant need of sleep. And don't even get me started on the mood swings!

I'm not sure if this is normal post baby behavior and/or use of hormones, or if I'm lacking something in my body. I need to get a doctor's opinion, but I'm not overly keen on saying, "Hey, I need help...but I don't know what's wrong." I know it'll lead to things like blood tests, etc., and I'm not sure that I'm into heading down that path.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. "Why wouldn't this chick WANT the help?" I guess it's because there is so much going on in my life right now, there's no more room for added stress of any kind. I am so exhausted with my daily life, that I can't breathe. A part of me thinks that going back to work would satisfy my need, but leaving my son in daycare seems selfish. And before all the working moms send me hate mail, I completely respect you. In fact, I'm not sure how you do it. Taking care of my little one, cleaning the house and getting dinner on the table feels like I'm pulling a doubleshift. Add a full-time job into the mix, and how do you accomplish anything 100%?

I know I take things a little too seriously, and at times can be over-sensitive. But trust me, talking to a baby all day without any adult interaction can get pretty frustrating. I guess I'm hoping that my emotions will float back into place, and I will return to being the woman my husband married. I'm up for the challenge of healing this void, but I'm at a complete loss as to where I should begin...

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

My name is Jess. My husband calls me Jesska, and I've decided to use that as a pen to sign my entries. I'm a married 23 year old woman with a three month old son named Thomas. I have a wonderful life, even though sometimes it gets a little drawn out and boring. My world revolves around my little boy, and I cannot imagine life without him.

Having a baby is HARD, and do not let anyone convince you otherwise. Parenthood is one big game of trial and error, and I'm hoping to only slightly damage the munchkin in the process. So far, so good...

I have been slowly and silently coerced into becoming a "semi-vegetarian," and am really interested in blogging about it. I will swerve for a squirrel on the road, and am a HUGE animal lover. However, I grew up on a farm and totally understand and respect the process of raising an animal for food. I have no interest in the "fuzzy animal" ideals behind being vegetarian and/or vegan, I simply feel better when I don't eat meat. The other reason I am taking on this bold venture is because I love to cook. I have recently begun to appreciate vegetarian fare, because it's a little difficult to prepare. It's a challenge looking for meat-free recipes that my family would enjoy.

Other things you may want to know about me: I'm a liberal. I am pro-troop, but anti-war. I am an extremely giving person, and sometimes allow others to take advantage of me. I'm into tattoos, piercings, and emotional thought provoking music. My favorite type of people are those that may not agree with what I think, but respect my right to think it. I'm a Pagan. If that bothers you, I'm sorry. I'm a dreamer, and tend to see the good in everyone. I speak like a poet when I'm talking about my emotions, and most people tend to not get me. Those that do are different, just like me. I'm extremely opinionated, and have trouble apologizing. I tend to think my life resembles a rollercoaster, but couldn't begin to explain why.

Well, I should get back to the reality that is a crying baby.

Blessings and Light,